Expectations

I expected you to love me,
as I loved you,
And, to be honest,
A little more.

I expected you to be like me.
To love, and give, and be.

But like you,
You stayed.
Stuck in your ways.

So I stopped expecting.
Knowing it mattered to no one.

Expecting something brought disappointment.
Now I expect none.

I stopped expecting
A reaction that would be
Closer to a truth that only I could see.

In letting go
If all that I expect,
I see,
You can no longer disappoint me.

As it was,
You never tried to disappoint,
You were just you.
Perhaps, expecting, too.

I Understand.

Frustrated and angry, but trying to stay strong. I felt as if all options were gone. I was exacerbated! Totally undone. Apparently, my approach was not working.

Reluctantly, I listened to that whisper that said, get help my friend. So help I got. From sources I did not expect helping, and from sources I actively looked for.

All along the way, they said, “I understand.”

Those words hit me in the gut the first time I heard them. The first time I looked for help from a new place. A stranger to me, yet kindness and understanding was found in our exchange. It was unexpected. I apologetically burst into tears. Not sure what to think. For years I had been struggling, being told it was all my fault. I was told I was to blame. Those two words were spoken (I understand.), and they broke me in a good way. Hit me were I needed it most. Right in the heart. A new start. A beginning. The point were I sought more help, more people who said, I understand. Me, too! More people who got it! More people who saw the challenges, who understood the pain, who decided to take it all and transform it into kindness, and caring. Transform it into love!

I still live with and encountered people who think I am to blame, but I choose to see them as they are. I choose to seek out those who chorus, “Me, too !” ; “I understand.” . Because I understand, too. Life can be hard, but we all can choose to be more understanding, more loving, and more kind. We can be the person who lifts up another. The person who lends a shoulder. The person who understands. Because we all need that. We all need someone, even a stranger, to say, “I understand.”

Love and blessings to you. đź’• Carrie